When I was in first or second grade, I told everyone that I was going to be a missionary. My grandparents had been missionaries in Haiti for some years, and the stories and gifts they would bring back made me want to join them. Of course, at six years old, I was definitely not as mature in my faith as I am now at 18.

Time went on and I built new goals for myself, and I wanted different things. My senior year of high school was spent planning what color I would paint my dorm room, submitting numerous amounts of college essays, and dreaming of this next, exciting chapter of my life. I had a plan for my life and I knew what I wanted - but thankfully, like we see in Jeremiah 29:11, the Lord had even greater plans of his own. As January rolled around, I opened my email to see whether I had been accepted or not into my first-choice college. I was deferred. Not a true deny, but it felt like one just the same. I racked my brain with how I could have changed a piece of my essay, studied a little harder for some tests, loaded myself down with clubs and sports and extracurriculars to have changed their mind. As months passed to March of 2025, I had been working on my rolling admissions application for the same school. The inevitable decision day rolled around again, and as I opened my email I remember praying that God would not let all my hard work go unnoticed. I did not read past the bold heading that read "we are sorry to inform you..." - I shut my computer and stood there. The lies of the enemy flooded me, telling me that I wasn't good enough and that I hadn't worked hard enough. I had backup schools, but not any that I had cared to go to as much as my first-choice.

Later that same month, my parents sat us down in our living room and announced that my dad had gotten a new job back in my hometown, and we would be moving back right after graduation - which was then just a short month away. I vividly remember the nights at my house, laying there and asking God, "what did I do wrong?". I truly thought this must be some sort of punishment for all the things I'd done wrong in my life. Amidst trying to find somewhere to go to school the following fall, packing up our house, working a part time job, and feeling like a walking disaster, I forgot the very message of my favorite verse - "For we are Christ's masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus for the good things which he planned long ago." Ephesians 2:10. For my birthday that July, one of my family members got me a 40-day devotional titled, "Made For This" - which humored me since I felt completely unqualified to do just about anything in that moment. I didn't even open it until two weeks later, when on the very first page is the verse - Ephesians 2:10. I didn't even get started reading before I shut the book and prayed truly for the first time in several months, asking God to forgive me for how I had doubted him and show me how to walk with him down every path, not just the one's that go how I had planned them. As I walked through my first semester of college, I worked hard to try and build that intimate relationship with Christ I had walked away from, and as I did, a restlessness built up in my spirit. I tried to pray it away, thinking that it was the devil trying to tempt me away from my newfound peace, but it did not leave. On social media, I began seeing ads about the World Race, which I had known about and even looked into before. I felt a tug in my spirit and as I prayed about my next steps, I truly felt a whisper in my Spirit - Go. I was afraid, honestly. Even though this was something that excited me, the World Race had always been a back-burner option, not a true life direction. I heard it over and over and over for months - Go, Go, Go. And finally one day, I opened up my computer and applied for the gap year. In October of 2025, I officially committed to the World Race Gap Year program!

And here I am today, in a completely different place spiritually and emotionally than I was last March. The Lord has continued to pour out his love and mercy on me every single day, even when I fail to acknowledge his hand on my life and his divine purpose in each path I walk. As I ready myself to walk through the fast-approaching nine months of missions, I am praying that the Lord will take the love he has poured into me and help me to lavish others with in, both on the race and in my life right now.

Welcome to my blog! I hope you enjoy following me on my journey not just to bring Christ to the nations, but to help myself grow even deeper in my relationship with him.

-Ella B